I am a chronic loser- your introduction to the portal



 Once upon a time, I used to - on occasion - pretend I forgot something.  Yeah, I know. Bad me.  But I was 22 or so.  And even at that young age it wasn't the thing I regret most.  I was in graduate school and there was a lot going on.  The thing is, it wasn't very long before I actually did START to ACTUALLY forget things.  Maybe it was stress.  I WAS in graduate school.  Maybe I just trained myself to forget.  Unfortunately, that affliction didn't stay at Duke.  It followed me forward and progressed in funny ways that made me into the proverbial absent-minded professor.  For example, I once forgot to go to class.  Honestly, forgot.  To go.  To class.  To a class in which--- I was the teacher.  OMG

Now that I am a parent, rather than forgetting things intentionally, I will sometimes lose things intentionally.  I'm guess that most parents of a suitably low caliber have done this...though I have never gone so far as to lose a beloved pet to a farm. But- that train/bus/thingy that Uncle Sam bought you for Christmas - twice- that made ALL THAT NOISE - I might have helped in the losing.  (Before you judge me, even you Zupe should you find this blog and then read it, you need to see/hear the damned thing.  I'll check AMAZON.)  Like my "forgetting", this has progressed into me losing things I "put away" in a "safe place".  Not just your things, Zupe.  Everything.  And, with enough losing introduced to the universe, I have progressed to actually opening a portal by which things get swallowed into another dimension.  Important things, usually.  

How you know you have a portal?  1.  You KNOW where you put that important item.  2.  You KNOW where you saw it last.  3.  It is not there.  4.  You begrudgingly remember what Kevin tried to teach you, that you live in a finite space.  It has to be there.  5.  So, you touch every space.  6. Every space.  7.  Item is not found.  8.  NOT FOUND.  8.5.  NOT FOUND.  9.  You give up.  10.  You replace item.  11. One day while doing something you've done many times before, you look down at the spot where you KNEW that item was and IT IS THERE.  

                                                                    My first portal.  

Zupe and I were driving to ninja school.  Sifu gives each child a damned small card, smaller than an index card, that gets punched for attendance to class.  I've been good a losing that in the past so have started leaving it in the compartment that opens between the front seats.  Zupe has the card in his hands and is fooling around with it.  As we pull into the parking lot, the card slips out of his hands and falls to the floor.  White card.  Black carpet.  I park.  We don't see the card.  He goes in while I stay and search for it on hands and knees.  From the front and back seat.  With the flashlight from my phone ON.  White card.  Black carpet.  Beside the seat, under the seat, in the foot area of the front and back, between the seats.  As it is now 5 PM-ish I go inside and I tell the Sifu the card has been swallowed by a portal.  He doesn't seem impressed.  He doesn't even seem to believe me...  Zupe gets a new card that starts at 0 (zero).  

MONTHS LATER  (6? 9? more than 12?)  And after multiple return searches- maybe even a vacuuming, I am reaching down to pick up something from the floor of the car on the passenger side- probably a Lego minifigure - and there is the WHITE CARD on the BLACK CARPET.

More portal stories to come.


Oh, and the photo.  Any images I have of that card, like the card itself, have returned to the 23rd dimension.  And, strangely, I cannot find any record of that mysterious and infuriating train.

 


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