Upside Ann

I've got a new boyfriend.  Landon.  He's going into the 5th grade next year.  I'm not sure if I'm cheating on my husband or my son. We meet at the pool.  As soon as I arrives, he's beside me asking "Do you want to dive off the board with me?" Absolutely, Landon.  Absolutely.   Zupe stopped playing with me 2 years ago.  If I swim up to him, he points me to the nearest ladder.  But, Landon... "Want to do a cannonball this time?"   "Let's run up to the edge and dive in!" And, he's so charming.  "How old ARE YOU?"  "Did you sleep OK last night? You look tired." Once again, I'm having fun and in demand!

 It's great to live free of the other sheep until you hear the wolves howl. Facts are supposed to banish monsters....not invite them in.

 I know.  I had a plan to make 2025 about reading women authors...but this book was calling me from an end-cap at the library- an old friend from those giddy zombie days in the early-20-teens.  I caved.  I must say that this story read differently 10 years later: post COVID, post trump/ICE. Take this for example: You were't worried about public disclosure? From who? The press, the media. The "media"? You mean those networks that are owned by some of the largest corporations in the world, coporations that would have taken a nosedive if another panic hit the stock market? That media? So you never actually instigated a cover-up? We didn't have to- they covered it up themselves.  They had as much, or more, to lose than we did. And besides, they'd already gotten their stories the year before when the first cases were reported in America...It had become "manageable." People were learning to live with it and they were already hungry of something different.  Big...

It is 11 PM on 12-31 and I am undrafting all my drafts.  This is the last I have the energy for.  I'm too tired to say anything more than enjoy these quotes.  I did. ...somehow, I think I should just get used to it.  We can't curse all the men in the world, can we?" "Not in a single day, at least," Mrya replied.   "Everyone will always ask you for something, " she told them, "and ghosts are no exception." The irony of new moons, of beginnings in general, is that they are always begun with total blindness.  No orb of light for guidance.  No promise of the future, good or bad.   "Your constant barrage of whimsy exhausts me."   "Dima," she rsaid softly. "You know Stas never took your place."  He swallowed, saying nothing.  "how could he?" she pressed him.  "you were all I ever wanted.  From the day you told me you loved me, there has never been anyone else."   Faith was an unwise extension of hope...

 Even where there's nothing to live for, there's always the next meal. Amen, sister. 

 They loved each other like you loved a really good electric toothbrush.  The way you loved the perfect cashmere sweater.  Because it kept you warm when you were cold.   "I think I might be marrying someone who isn't you," she said, accepting it. "Mm.  How does it feel?" Jamie asked, sipping his coffee. Meridith considered it.  "Safe," she said.  "But also, kind of like I want to swallow hot poison and die." ..and felt sad, but not, I suppose, empty.  Not ... unfulfilled , exactly, but more...unfinished.  Like the story didn't have an ending yet.  A silly thing to think at a funeral.  Obviously all stories have endings whether you're ready for them or not.